SUMMER GOALS

I've graduated!  So, that means it's officially summer!

I don't think it's really hit me that I've graduated just yet.  It probably will in August, once I move in to my own apartment.  Right now, though?  I feel like I'm on vacation at Brian's family's house until the end of May, around when I'll then be heading back to NYC to stay with my parents for a while.  It's still super weird though.  I've officially finished with schooling until I decide to get a graduate degree!

So, since summer is starting, and I'll be free for most of it (until I come back to Buffalo later in the summer to start working), I want to do some things with my last bits of free time before the adult life sets in for good.  Kind of like mini-goals for the next couple of months, I suppose?

xxTanya

CREATE AN ART WEBSITE//

My current website is alright, but not perfect for the way I create art.  Currently the layout is nice, but I'm not able to group pieces by project, as there's only the ability to create a couple of tabs.  I want to be able to group pieces by project (or body of work), as that's how I've been creating work recently.  Also, the url is pretty long winded and hard to tell people if they ask.

HAVE A ONCE-A-WEEK PAMPER NIGHT//

This generally just applies to taking more baths and relaxing.  I want to have a nice pamper night each week where I turn off the computer and grab a book to read, which applies to the next goal.  Maybe grab a body scrub and break out the body butter or use one of my lovely LUSH bath bombs.

READ BOOKS//

With school, I haven't been able to really read any books in the last four years.  This summer I really want to get off the computer more often and read some books.  Some in mind are finishing The Princess Bride, re-reading and finally finishing the Game of Thrones series (as I stopped mid-third book in sophomore year and can't remember what had been happening), and all of my gender books I received for christmas this past year.

POST ONCE A WEEK (AT LEAST) ON MY BLOG//

Towards the end of the year, I got a little lax with posting as I was so busy and also super uninspired.  I've been wanting to take the blog in a different direction recently, focusing more on artistic posts rather than the typical beauty blog style I had been defaulting to (since that's all I read, basically).

START RUNNING//

I tried to start running a couple of weeks ago, but with the amount of work happening (finals and thesis) it fell by the wayside.  I want to start running up here in Buffalo with Lucas and maybe Brian, so when I go home I feel confident to continue it.  I want running to become a habit that I enjoy to do every week!  My goal for the summer is to be able to run a mile three days a week without aches and pains and getting super out of breath.  I just want to up my cardio!

WATCH SOME STUFF//

I want to watch a whole bunch of movies and television shows this summer.  Not only do I want to watch a lot of movies I've never seen, I need to finish catching up on Mad Men (I'm on the final season), I also want to finish Spaced, which I started with Brian.  I also just started Breaking Bad with Brian (not sure how I feel about it yet), and maybe rewatch Spartacus.

GET A JOB IN BUFFALO//

Before I head back to NYC, I need to walk around and hand in my resumes to places that I'd like to work near my new apartment.  I want to do this before I go back home and hopefully I'll get a few nibbles for work starting in late July or August.

MOVE IN TO MY NEW APARTMENT//

This is my biggest source of anxiety, but I think I'll be okay.  I have no furniture, but I'm just saying it will work out so I don't think about it too much.  I can't do anything until I move in, anyway!  I really enjoy moving to new places, anyway, because you get to design from scratch!

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I SUPPOSE THIS COULD BE A GRADUATION PHOTO SHOOT

I've graduated!!

It's kind of nuts.  I'm currently sitting at Brian's home in not Buffalo and watching him play Half-Life 2 as I edited all these.  It's kind of like a mini vacation, sitting on the couch all day and just chillaxing.  We started watching Breaking Bad (finally), but I didn't realize how strange it would be to transition to a show like it!  I'm so used to the personal relationship drama of Mad Men, rather than, you know, killing people.  I've found it kind of difficult to continue with the show since it's kind of gory.  We'll see, I suppose!

After the graduation ceremony, Lucas, Brian, and I walked back to my apartment while my parents drove.  I had Lucas take a "wizard" photo of me right outside the CFA, so I thought we should continue the shoot on the rock.  And then the photos continued.

Compared to the "professional" photos that UB got of me during the ceremony, these are way better.

xxTanya

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THESIS

I've been absent from writing for a while!  School is done (graduation is on Sunday!) and I've been working a lot this last week to make a couple of extra dollars before the summer.  I've been thinking a lot about what I want my blog to be, what I want my life to be, and a lot about graduating in general.  I should be writing about it soon enough.

In the meantime, here's my SENIOR THESIS. 

It's been really difficult thinking about my thesis now that it's over.  I've been having a lot of thoughts and a lot of conversations about it, but not as many as I would like.  I spent a lot of time and energy and emotion on my thesis, and feel a little off kilter now that it's over and done with.  I don't think about it much anymore, but when I do, I feel a strange mix of emotion that I've never before felt about an art piece of mine.

After spending so much time on it, I wish I could talk to more people about my work.  I feel a kind of dissatisfaction, as I feel almost unable to speak with anyone about my thesis.  It's over and done with, and I feel that if I was to initiate a conversation with someone about it, I would not get the response that I would necessarily want.  I've talked a lot with Brian about it, recently, and he's helped me put my thoughts in order quite a bit.  However, since he was such a big part of the process and development of ideas, he isn't the kind of perspective I was hoping to engage for a critique.  Or a conversation of sorts.

That lack of conversation also seems to coincide with the sense of dissatisfaction I felt with the work for a while.  I felt strangely detached and disappointed in myself and the work, as if I had not just achieved something great.  The lack of feedback lead me to believe I had not achieved the goal I seemingly had set out to accomplish.  However, I still cannot pinpoint what I had subconsciously hoped to achieve with the work.  It drew an emotional response from people, and they were able to tell the story from the images and text I presented.  I suppose that detached feeling was from thinking about the work for so long, and then it suddenly and finally being finished.  Months and months of thought and deliberation ending in that show.  Then it was done.  Later that week, I took down all the pieces from the wall and now they are sitting in my drawer in the print labs.

As I drove home from critique, all those pieces were sitting in my lap.  I had a thought: "This is months and months of work, just sitting here.  If something happened, these could be gone.  And then the culmination of those months and months would not exist any longer."  It was a tad morbid, to say the least.  I don't know if I'll feel differently about it, eventually.  I honestly have no idea.

Either way, I'm extremely proud of what I've done.  My thesis is the largest body of work I've ever produced under one idea and in the time frame.  It is the largest work I have ever imagined and then executed.  It is the first step towards what I hope to do one day.  My thesis is, partially, a culmination of all my years in college and in high school.  As I edited the photos to go in the catalogue, I got a wave of pride again.  Pride in myself, for sticking with and achieving my initial goal and idea.  Pride in myself for executing the pieces, and pride that I kept my head towards the end and stopped freaking out over it all.  I knew what I was doing, and I did it.  I spent a long while stressing out about the execution, but when it finally came down to it, I was able to pull through. 

Thinking back on it now as I write this... I am so, so proud of myself.

xxTanya

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